-3.56am-

went out "yao che ho"
with my buddies...

n
back at home by 3.56am morning

always feel like "yao che ho"
might be 1 of the way...
for me...
to escape from problems..

but
is it true ?
am i escaping ?
or facing de problems ?

human..
always trying to solve the problem..
but..
once can't settle...
we will always find out a way...
to ignore it... to escape from it...
this is wat de human being...


problems just attack me without warning...

my mother..
pushing me to de dead corner...
my works...
pressing on me...
my finance...
stopping me to success..
my dream...
getting away from me...
my time...
limiting my speed...
my beloved...
so far away...


yea... Jesus is de answer...
God always set de obstacles...
to modify myself...

but..

where should i get the strength to overcome all this ?
from God ?
from my family ?
from my frens ?
from my beloved ?

uh...
where is my self-confidence ?
where is my strength ?
where is my talent ?
where is my hope ?
where is andrew ?

i can't find out myself anymore...
where is the 1 who aggressive... strong n confident ?
where am i ?
i'm lost, meaningless n useless

after de attacks...

i'm totally lost...

since childhood,
i do believe that...
u pay out sth, u will gain sth...

but

facts told me that...
this is not de truth..

yea,
i shouldn't be so down n negative...
always telling myself ..
CHEER UP!!

but where can i get de strength to cheer up myself?

i duno..
felt sorrow n empty in the deep bottom of my heart..
giving up myself


Pretending nothing is the only thing that i can do now..
smiling in front of people...
making myself busy...
making myself tired...
just wish to escape from everything...

yea..
it seem like...
negative thinking

so ?
i still..
gotta tell myself everyday
-no matter how worse the thunderstorm is, rainbow will be the next-


p/s : people need support from me, but who gonna to support me ?